Sunday, October 25, 2009

Thoughts on long distance.

I have had a somewhat furrowed brow lately when a certain subject comes up: long distance relationships.

People mean well when asking about Evan and I's relationship status, but there's a part of me that is frustrated by the question. Let me explain...

Evan and I will have been dating for 2 years next month and over half of that has been apart. Not by choice, mind you, (I mean, I did choose to move to China...) but it's just the way life and the Lord has lead each of us as we are two separate individuals. Often people ask us, "How are you guys doing?" And of course I love to answer positively, but often the question is asked with a little doubt and hesitation. Especially when other guys ask Evan how he is doing with it. Like are you two still okay, still together, still willing to do this, etc.? Are we going to survive this distance or fail? I find myself a bit frustrated at this stereotype - as true as it may be.

I know the statistics of long distance relationships are slim and many (if not most) do not work well or survive. But I think the survival is based on what the relationship is founded on:

- friendship
- love
- commitment
- loyalty
- honesty
- trust in each other
- trust in the Lord
- A LOT of determination
- surrender of a life that I do not own, both mine and his

It has to be - whether you are living in the same city or across the world. It doesn't change. You're still two different people, with different pasts, different baggage, faults, perks and quirks. It's work to be with someone, choosing to be selfless, honest, give and not always receive, take when it's sometimes difficult, to listen, to share.

But an ocean, continent, or time zone doesn't change that - or I don't think it should.

I left US soil with tears in my eyes as I looked at that tall, handsome, bearded man. But I never for an instant thought this was going to fail when I chose to go to a whole new world for 2 years while he continued living in his. And I don't see it in the future, ever.

So long distance stereotype, take that: 2 wonderful years and going strong! And here's to many more wonderful years together - whether physically present or not.

AND for all of you that do ask, I mean no disrespect. I thank you so much for lovingly asking how we are doing. And I love to tell that we are, still, amazingly well. :)


Anonymous said...

Jenny! truly an inspiration... i wish the very best for you both and i KNOW God is there with you both, like you said, together and apart. :)

Anonymous said...

i know how you feel Jenny! its like people are just bracing themselves waiting for long distance relationships to end. i found that a lot of people didn't expect me to approach it with the assumption that it wouldn't fail... similar to you, i just didn't even go there in my mind. i think its good preparation for marriage, because when you are married, you have to stick w/ it, even through the trials. i know you two will survive this and grow stronger through it. you are learning what love truly means through all of the sacrifices and the commitment you both are making. love you and SEE YOU SOON!!!!

thesteve said...

So how are...

just kidding :)