Friday, April 9, 2010

5 months left. still naive.

The decision has finally been made, the formal letter given, a simple grunt of "okay" received.
I will leave Shantou this coming September bound for the beauty of central Europe for a small soul retreat before heading back to the US, back home, back to family.

Home is relative these days.
"Home is where you and I belong."
"Home is where I belong with you."
Home is with the people my heart so deeply loves.

I am at peace with my decision. Though it will be difficult to leave the little faces I have so deeply poured my everything into, the often frustrating culture that I have so tried to understand and learn from, the new experiences, the places, the faces, the laughter and tears, the new life I have somehow constructed and lived on my own, my time is coming to a close. I can say goodbye in peace. I feel I'm being called to a season of "normalcy;" a time with family, working, paying bills, being an "adult," sorting through all my heart, mind, and soul have seen and experienced, being. "Normal" now will become my new adventure. yikes....

Chris Rice sings so many of my heart's questions these days well:


How long until You defend Your name and set the record right
And how far will You allow the human race to run and hide
And how much can You tolerate our weaknesses
Before You step into our sky blue and say "That's quite enough!"

Am I naive to want a remedy for every bitter heart?
Can I believe You hold an exclamation point for every question mark?
And can I leave the timing of this universe in bigger hands?
And may I be so bold to ask You to please hurry?

I hear that a God who's good would never let the evil run so long
But I say it's because You're good You're giving us more time, yeah
Cause I believe that You love to show us mercy
But when will You step into our sky blue
And say "That's quite enough, and your time is up!"

Am I naive to want a remedy for every bitter heart
Can I believe You hold an exclamation point for every question mark
And can I leave the timing of this universe in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You to please hurry?

Am I naive...
Can I believe...
And can I leave...in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You, to ask You, to ask You

How long?

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